HUNTSVILLE, AL: A creature formed by excess cable in a data center has been slain by an intrepid systems administrator armed with a caution sign.
The creature, which formed after floor tiles were opened for the first time in 7 years, spoke to the systems administrators working in the area and taunted them with “trash talk.”
“It told me I couldn’t network my way out of a paper bag,” said Mortimer Franklin, a Windows 2003 systems administrator. “That really upset me, because I was right in the middle of following the wizard to install Exchange 2003. I know how to follow directions, so its claims just weren’t true.” Mr. Franklin was so offended by the taunting of the creature that he put down the clipboard containing instructions on how to do his job and informed security.
Security was on site within the hour, but the creature managed to swallow one of the guards before he could unlatch his gun. The other administrators began to take matters into its own hands while the creature allegedly continued to act superior by informing everyone that it contained cables that were hooked up to far more advanced Linux, UNIX and VAX servers.
“If you can’t click on it, you can’t run it!” the creature was chanting, according to other eyewitnesses.
It took the bravery of Lyle Crambit, the data center facility manager and Harold Harkins. Lyle managed to find the weapon and as the creature threatened to mount another attack, tossed it ten feet to Mr. Harkins. It was Mr. Harkins who landed the fatal blow.
When asked how he made such an accurate throw to Mr. Harkins, Crambit stated, “Sometimes I gotta throw my scattergun to Mrs. Crambit when she sees baby coons out in her garden. She cock that thing and BAM!”
“It was a lucky shot,” Harold Harkins said of his heroic death blow. “I mean, I’ve run lots of power, cat 5, cat 6 and fiber… but honestly, who knew there was this much cable under the floor and it was that pissed off?”