Real Life Slapstick

So there’s the situation that developed last night that I just have to laugh about. It’s one of those things I usually think happens to just me… some real life slapstick. The setup was perfect, the execution was perfect, the timing was perfect – it really was something out of The Money Pit.

So my son declares it’s time for him to pee pee. All the signs are there – he’s dancing the dance and gripping the appropriate place. I wasn’t in a position to immediately help him and neither was Taitai. No problem, we have taken the childproof door knob off just for a situation like this. We encouraged him to go.

His mind lights up and starts to function with wild fantasies about what to do next. He’s holding a Wii controller, so he starts to run for the bathroom – then realizes he still has the Wiimote. He runs back to drop it off, then turns to head back. Something else makes him turn around (I forget which), so he loses another trip attempt.

On the third run down the hall, he finally goes for it. Right as he turns the corner to the bathroom to open the potty and go, his muscles just let go. The poor boy stands there and realizes he didn’t make it. The look on his face is terribly sad as the yellow liquid forms around his feet and flows slowly onto the bedroom hardwood floor.

“Great,” I think… but I can deal with this. I had followed him in there since I freed up my own schedule to help him before Taitai could – besides, interrupting a master baker at a time like this will either burn the house down or result in some really awful bread. I start to unravel some toilet paper to dab up the accident. The little boy took off his pants and immediately declared he must have a shower. “Yeah, I would probably want one too,” I thought aloud.

It took quite a bit of toilet paper to mop up the accident. As I continued to mop, I tossed them into the toilet nearby. What I didn’t realize is that an unacceptable amount of it was building up there and… well, the toilet was getting pretty pissed (pun intended).

I took the kidlet off to the other bathroom to begin his bubble bath. On the way out, I flush the toilet with the toilet paper and walk out of the room. Mind you, this toilet is that Bad Toilet in every household – the one that you have to jiggle the handle or it will run until the seventh seal is opened. Add that to the fact that it was quite upset about the load of toilet paper and you’ve got the start of a disaster.

I head to the other bathroom to run the bath for the little boy and start some bubbles. He’s really taken a fancy to bubble baths of late, so I’m sure that had something to do with his desire to clean up. (Cough). After letting the water run for a bit, I turned it off and watched him commence playtime.

But the water was still running.

(no that can’t be I turned it off)

…water continues to run…

(where is that sound coming from it sounds like maybe the shower is on in the other bathroom)

I waltzed down the hall calmly to the bathroom linked to the bedroom and discovered water flooding underneath our bed.

“OH MY GOD!”

Only the Keystone Cops could have done a better short film on the cleanup. Taitai was running down the hall, thinking her son had fallen and hit his head. I was shrieking like a banshee, clearly quite panicked. What a scene it was, I’m sure.

It only happens to me, I swear to fucking God.

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